


All I Have - Vocaloid Fanfiction

by poka_poka_planet



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Cancer, Chemotherapy, Death, Depression, F/M, Hospitals, Hurt, Immunotherapy, Kaito is in need of therapy, Leukaemia, Miku falls sick, Needles, Numbness, PTSD, Parent AU, Parent Kaito, Rabbit Yukine - Freeform, Will to live, loss of family, traumatic flashbacks, treatment, untreated trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 04:27:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30117147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poka_poka_planet/pseuds/poka_poka_planet
Summary: He is all she admires. She is all he has. Even if it’s just the two of them, that’s all he needs. So why does life so cruelly want to wrench them apart?One day, 7-year old Miku collapses all of a sudden, and a once-peaceful and quiet life is turned upside down within mere seconds.~~Parent AU Kaito with Miku
Relationships: Kaito/Meiko (Vocaloid)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

“Daddy! Daddy, I wanna play hide and seek.”

Kaito felt a sigh escape his lips. Blinking wearily, he reached up and rubbed the back of his head.

“I’m a little tired. Can we play later?” He answered, and even he could hear the exhaustion in his own voice. It had been a long day at work, and an especially stressful one at that. The new manager in his company was screwing a lot of things up, and he could feel his mental state deteriorating after each day at work.

Miku wasn’t taking any of it. “But, but I found a good hiding place and I really want to play now…” Her lips puckered and formed a mix of a frown and pout. Her voice heightened in pitch and she looked him straight in the eye, her own ones big and doll-like. “...please?”

_ Uh oh _ . She was at it again. It was the tactic she always used to get her way. Kaito’s fatigued body was screaming at him, shouting desperately for him to say no. To refuse. But with those doleful eyes, and that longing expression… how could he say no? Even if he gave in, again and again, to this tactic, he couldn’t help it. Plus, it was just a two-room apartment. How long would the game be able to last, anyway?

“... fine,” he finally said, huffing to show his annoyance. Miku noticed it, but cheered anyway, pumping her fists in the air. “I’ll count to thirty like always, okay? And then… the big bad wolf will come and eat you,” he teased, before using his hands and covering his eyes. Giggling, Miku began running. “One…”

She’d thought of the perfect hiding place; it was in her daddy’s room, where the laundry basket was! She figured that she would be able to fit inside, and cover herself with the clothes so that she couldn’t be seen. Another giggle rose up her throat and escaped her lips. She was so smart for thinking of something like this! She began to remove the clothes from the basket, getting ready to climb in.

“... twenty-nine… thirty…!” Kaito called out. “Ready or not, here I come…” he stood up, dragging his resigned body towards the bedroom. Miku had left the door open instead of closing it again after entering, which made it clear that she had gone inside. He walked, step by step, approaching slowly. Maybe he could scare her. She would probably be hiding in the closet, so he could throw open the doors and yell like a monster.

Chuckling softly at the thought to himself, he pushed open the gap of the door a little wider and slipped in. But she wasn’t hidden at all; in fact, he instantly caught sight of her.

His blood ran cold; she was slumped against the laundry basket.

“Miku!” He immediately rushed forward, sprinting to her side. Her face was scrunched up in agony and she was whimpering softly as she clutched her head tightly, her fingers pressing into her skull as hard as they could.

“It hurts, it hurts, it hurts…” she whispered, her voice hoarse as tears of pain and fear streamed down her cheeks, her hands trembling madly. She shook her head, then she shook it again, again, as if it would get rid of the horrible aching feeling inside, but then her whimpers turned into shrieks and cries of agony.

Kaito panicked; for a second he completely froze up, greeted by the unsettlingly familiar scenario. Then he snapped into reality. “M-Miku, lie down!” he commanded, trying to ignore the trembling of his own voice. He quickly picked her up and swiftly placed her on the bed, before frantically reaching into his pocket and whipping out his phone. With extreme trepidation he dialled in three numbers.

One ring. Then the other side of the line picked up and a voice spoke; “911, what’s your emer-“

“My d-daughter, she collapsed and she’s holding her head,” he could feel each word that escaped his lips send a burst of adrenaline through him, his breath rising in panic. He reached his free hand down towards Miku and his fingers fumbled as he pried her hands away from her head. “Th...there’s no blood or anything.”

The dispatcher began asking more questions, noting their address. “Stay on the line,” they instructed, and Kaito nodded, putting the phone on speaker mode so that he could place it down. Miku was sobbing even harder, her mumbles incoherent and broken. 

“Daddy, make it stop. Make it stop. It hurts,” she repeated between gasps for air. “I can’t see. I can’t see anything. It hurts. It hurts… mmpf…” she writhed. “Make it stop.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t make it stop,” he whispered, trying his best to hold her as close as he could. She cried harder, shaking her head.

“Please,” her voice was strangled, but in a tone similar to earlier when she wanted to play. It was so innocent and naive that it hurt; deep inside her, the little girl believed that if she asked anything enough times, her Daddy would relent and fix everything for her. Make it go away. Kiss away the pain, or paste a bandaid on it and it would disappear. 

But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that at all. A lump formed in his throat.

“The ambulance will be here soon. It’ll stop soon. I promise,” he said, hoping that it would comfort her. “Miku, I’m here. I’m here, okay? The ambulance will be here soon. I promise it’ll stop.”

“I w-want it to stop now.”

“I wish I could make it stop now. I’m sorry.”

Sirens approached in the distance, and very quickly the paramedics arrived. A petrified and crying Miku was loaded onto the vehicle, and Kaito climbed in, holding her hand in any attempt to make her feel any better. Everything was such a rush, and within seconds they were headed for the ER.

As he sat beside the only person he had left in his world, there was an unsettling, sinking feeling in the pit of his gut, making his stomach churn and his chest feel hollow. Everything was coming back, an eerie deja vu, and it made him feel scared, and frantic, like a little child all over again.

Kaito hated it. He hated it so much.


	2. Chapter 2

She looked so frail, like a baby animal.

The doctor had scanned her condition and immediately sent her for an x-ray scan to check if there were any skull fractures. There weren’t — which should have been a relief, but if anything, it made things even more frightening. Then she was sent for an MRI scan. Kaito watched helplessly as Miku was wheeled into the room with the huge, daunting cylindrical chamber. The doors were shut and he couldn’t see what was going on, couldn’t be beside Miku. The test took slightly less than an hour, and Kaito couldn’t help the extreme anxiety bubbling inside of him. 

He hated being in the hospital. It was the one place where he lost everyone he had. Again and again, countless times, the cycle would repeat itself, and it was as if the building was what sucked the life out of them. Kaito knew that was stupid, and that they’d passed due to reasons that nobody had control over, but even so, he couldn’t shake off the trauma of seeing those closest to him breathing their last in this very building.

If the same thing happened to Miku, he… he didn’t know what he would do. The very thought of losing her made his knees feel weak, his stomach feel like it was trying to split open.

“Mr Shion?”

Somebody called out his name and he almost jumped. He turned around; the doctor was approaching him. Anxious, he quickly paced forward. “A-are the results out yet? The diagnosis,” He asked immediately, stumbling over his own words. The doctor looked at him sympathetically, shaking her head.

“It’ll take a few hours. We need time to study it. In the meantime, we’ll need your daughter under observation. She’s been put under anaesthesia, and we’ll transfer her into a ward. Tomorrow, we’ll run some blood tests too.”

“Okay,” Kaito nodded quickly, a sinking feeling in his chest. “...thanks…” he took a deep breath to prevent himself from crumbling, and with it he inhaled the hospital’s familiar, medicinal scent. 

_ She’ll be alright, _ he whispered to himself.  _ She’ll be alright. _

But no matter how many times he repeated it, he couldn’t bring himself to trust in it.

~~

They’d moved her into a shared ward; a room with a curtain drawn across, and another patient at the other side. Kaito felt both immense relief and fear as he caught sight of Miku. She was asleep, her eyes closed and a somewhat peaceful expression on her face, the complete opposite of when he was last with her. Her small body was propped up against pillows and covered with the hospital’s blanket. Some part of him wished that she would wake up now, and she would look at him with a confused smile, and assure him that her head no longer hurt and she wanted to continue their game of hide-and-seek.

But it was silent.

Kaito turned out to look at the window. It was dark. It had just been slightly more than an hour or two since he arrived back home from work, just slightly after Miku was still so bubbly and excited to play — it was unrealistic how fast everything had happened. He was still having a hard time comprehending it all. He sat down on the armchair beside her bed, reached out to grasp her tiny hand and stubby fingers, not letting go until he fell into a fitful sleep.

~~

_ He was all alone in the room. The plain, white, hospital room. Her hospital bed was empty and it had been cleaned and replaced, the sheets crisp and new and ready for another patient. _

_ ‘No,’ he gasped for breath. ‘No. This isn’t right. Where did you go?’ _

_ He knew exactly where she went. Where she was. But he couldn’t accept it. _

_ ‘You can’t leave. Not now. Please, I can’t live without you. Please. Please…!’ He thought frantically. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry out. But he couldn’t bring out any words, any tears, any reaction. All he could do was stand there, staring at the empty ward with an almost expressionless face. He could feel his mind collapsing, his senses leaving him, his thoughts piling up and creating a cacophony of disastrous noises in his mind. But he couldn’t express anything under his blank face. _

_ He couldn’t accept this… he couldn’t. _

_ He tilted his head up and tears flowed. _

~~

“Hm-!”

Kaito jerked awake in his sleep, panting heavily. His fingers were still intertwined with Miku’s, and he realised how tightly he had been gripping her hand. After catching his breath, he wearily turned to the watch on his hand. 

07:58, it read. He let a sigh escape his lips, rubbing his temples and trying to shake off the fearful feeling that his nightmare had struck inside him.

“Daddy?” A soft, confused voice called out. He instantly turned to Miku, and found himself lunging forward to wrap her in a tight hug, almost as if he needed some sort of proof that she was awake to calm his nervousness. She was still stiff and, with a perplexed expression, she asked, “What’s going on? Where are we?”

“We’re in the hospital,” he answered, pulling away from the embrace.

“The hospital?” The girl turned her head left, and right, and scanned the room, a mix of awe and fright in her voice.

“You collapsed last night. Do you remember?” He replied as gently as he could. Miku paused for a moment, then nodded, her eyes suddenly downcast. “Does your head still hurt?”

“Y-yea. It isn’t as much as last night but… but it hurts.” Reaching up to rub her head, Miku made a soft, sad noise. “I was really scared.”

Kaito softened. “So was I.” He reached forward to stroke her hair, when the announcement speakers suddenly rang. “ _ Our medical team will be doing their rounds now. Your doctors will be checking in on you shortly _ .”

True enough, within around ten minutes, the same doctor from the previous night entered the room, a document in her hand. Miku turned around and stared at her, a confused pout on her face as she glanced up and down, trying to recognise her. “Uhm… Who are you?” She asked, a hint of nervousness and animosity in her voice.

The doctor didn’t seem offended in any way, and gave her a gentle smile. “Miku, am I right? I’m your doctor. My name’s Doctor Rin.” She bent forward, reaching a hand out towards the hostile child.

“Doctor Rin?” Miku repeated, still staring at the doctor with wide eyes.

“Yea. I’m here to help you get well, okay? Is your head still painful?” Miku nodded. “I have some medicine here for you. Whenever it hurts, you can ask a nurse, or your Daddy, and they’ll help you have some, and the pain will go away, okay? But you can only take it after every four hours or you’ll get sick.”

She handed a bottle of painkillers to Kaito, the instructions printed on the label. He nodded and put it on the table, which immediately caused Miku to recoil and stick out her tongue in disgust.

“Ack. Medicine,” she huffed.

“Also, the MRI results are out,” Doctor Rin turned to Kaito, the document in hand. “The results are… not exactly optimistic, so please brace yourselves.” Kaito felt a small part of him deflate, but deep down he’d already guessed it. The doctor opened the file and showed him the printed scans, with Miku scrambling and using Kaito’s arm to prop her up for a view. “There’s a malignant tumour located in her brain. It isn’t large, but it’s still growing, and her life is in danger if we let it continue.”

Kaito let go of a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Miku looked at him. “What does that mean? Will I die soon?” She asked, her eyes wide.

“No, not necessarily,” Doctor Rin answered her. “But it’s still best to operate soon, so we’ll have to discuss that later. We’ll also need to run some spinal fluid tests to determine if the tumour is cancerous. Is that okay?”

“Now?”

“Yes,” she confirmed, and then Miku’s gaze wandered down to her hands; she instantly caught sight of the syringe. She jumped, her body jerking backwards, and then she wrapped her hands around her forearms defensively.

“No!” She shook her head vehemently, a sudden look of utter distrust in her eyes. Then she leaped up from the bed and jumped onto the floor, before running and hiding behind Kaito, using his body as a shield. She peeked out from behind, glaring at Doctor Rin with an intense, hateful and fearful expression. “I don’t want to.”

“I’m so sorry, Miku, you need to. Don’t worry. It’ll be done really quickly, so it won’t really hurt you, okay?” She seemed accustomed to dealing with this sort of situation.

“No! No! I don’t want to. I don’t want you to poke me with a blade!”

“...blade?” Kaito murmured, confused. Miku turned to him.

“I don’t want it! She’s going to hurt me. Please.” Her voice wavered a little at the end and she bit her lip stubbornly, tightening her grip on her father’s arms. 

“Miku, you really need to do this-“ Kaito began, and Miku stared at him with eyes wide open, in total disbelief of his betrayal.

“No! I don’t want to!” She began to throw a fuss, shaking her head even harder. “I don’t want to do it.” Kaito sighed.

“Are you scared?” He queried. Immediately Miku froze, her tantrum halting for a moment; she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. She opened her mouth to deny it but he added, “It’s scary, isn’t it? Needles are scary. I don’t like them either. I get scared of needles too. But you really have to do this. It’s really important, and it will save your life.”  _ Could save your life _ , he found his mind reminding him and he bit his tongue to block that thought out.

“B-but it’ll hurt.” Miku stammered, her voice cracking and her eyes tearing up. “I’m scared. You said you’re also scared. That means we don’t have to do it, right?”

“We have to,” Kaito lifted her up and gently sat her on the hospital bed despite her frantic wriggling. “It’s okay. It won’t take very long. You’ll forget about the pain in a really short while. Okay?” She looked unconvinced and just as scared. “Please? Do it for me? I want you to be okay.”

Miku’s gaze fell and she stared at her lap. She shrugged. “I… o-okay… maybe…”

Doctor Rin moved forward beside her and Miku flinched at the sight of the syringe again. “Lie on your side, okay? I’ll do the test on your spine. I’ll numb the area so it won’t hurt. Then I’ll bandage it up and you’ll be ready to go, alright? It won’t be very painful. I promise.”

Miku’s eyes were becoming even more watery and she stiffened. Kneeling down in front of her, Kaito spoke softly, “Don’t try to look at the needle, or Doctor Rin. Look at me. It’s okay. You don’t have to be scared. I’m here.” She looked at him with uncertainty, like she didn’t know whether she should trust him, or if he were betraying her. He hated that look — it was one thing to be distrusted by a stranger, and another to be distrusted by his own daughter. He changed the topic. “Y’know, I heard there’s a huge toy shop on the ground floor. We can check it out later.”

“Really?” Miku asked, suddenly excited. Then she flinched as the needle went into her back, and tried to turn her head and look at it, but Kaito covered her line of view. 

“Don’t look,” he reminded her. “Yea. The toy shop’s really popular. They have some really fun toys too.” She seemed distracted by the sensation at her spine but she didn’t cry out, instead focusing on him. The needle was taken out and her face scrunched up again.

“Ow…” she mumbled. Doctor Rin quickly pressed a gauze against the wound, then swiftly bandaged it.

“See, it wasn’t that bad, was it?” Kaito smiled.

“It is. It hurts!” Miku puffed, a mock-angry pout on her face.

“I know. I’m proud of you. You’re really strong.” The little girl’s eyes lit up like stars at the praise. “Here. We’ll quickly take some of the medicine so that your head stops hurting so bad, then I’ll bring you down to choose a toy, okay?”

“Mm!!” Bobbing her head excitedly, she perked up again, and Kaito lifted his head to give a grateful smile to the doctor.


	3. Chapter 3

_ “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart…” _

Upon exiting the ward and entering the basement, they were greeted with familiar, overplayed Christmas songs blasting in their faces. Each shop was playing a different song, and at maximum volume, as if they were trying to compete for attention. ‘Right… I forgot about Christmas. It’s close, huh?’ Kaito thought to himself and glanced at Miku in his arms, who had buried her head in his chest, wincing from the music’s loudness.

The toy shop wasn’t exactly huge, but it was definitely full of lots of different toys. It was still early in the morning so there weren’t many other people; only a girl in a wheelchair, accompanied by a nurse, and a boy whose arm was in a cast, looking at some action figures.

“What do you want to look at first?” Kaito nudged her. Miku scanned the shop, glancing around, and then her eyes settled on the plush section. Jumping out of Kaito’s arms — which wasn’t dangerously high, but still high — she ran towards it and gaped in awe at the stuffed toys on display.

“Woah…!” She exclaimed, her eyes practically sparkling, her mouth wide open in amazement. She reached out and grabbed the closest one to her — a whale plush, which was so huge that she almost lost her balance lifting it up. “Whale! It’s a whale!!! I want to call him… Walter!” Then she dropped it back onto the shelf heavily and grabbed another one — a tiger. “Ooh. Tiger is scary,” she commented, holding it and staring into its eyes. “Scary tiger.”

“Miku, put that back,” Kaito chided, but she’d already dropped the ‘scary’ tiger back and was in the process of naming all the rest of the toys on the shelf. 

“This one’s name is, uh, Rubber! And, this one is called Chicky. Poogu, and! Fuzzy!” She pointed to each one of them, a bright grin on her face, the complete opposite of earlier. Even though her enthusiasm was tiring to keep up with, Kaito couldn’t help feeling a sense of relief that she was back to her old self — at least, for now. He didn’t know what would happen next, but if he could make her happy now, that would be enough, he thought.

“Which one do you want?” He asked after watching her name the whole shelf — she’d literally named the shelf too, calling it “Kingdom of Fluffy”. Miku froze, and turned around, and… oh god. Those eyes. Those very eyes she’d used when wanting to play hide-and-seek.

“Only… one?” She repeated. Kaito stared at her. She stared back.

“Only one,” he confirmed.

“B-but, the whole kingdom of fluffy…” she began, her eyes tearing up and her cheeks puffing out. “I want… them all…”

“I can’t buy the whole section, Miku. You can only have one. You can choose the biggest one, if you want, but only one.”

“Ahh…” she whined, folding her arms. “Then… I want Walter. He’s really big- wait, but there’s Eli, she’s also really big, and she’s cute… b-but Rubber…” she seemed to be stalling for time, sneaking sideways glances at Kaito and hoping that he’d agree to just buying all. He sighed.

“One.” He repeated again, sternly.

“But-“

“One. Either that or we’re not getting any at all,” he huffed and she whined again. “Come on. If you don’t want it then we’re going.” He turned around and began walking, causing her to exclaim.

“Wait!” She dived into the shelf desperately and fished out a single plush — a medium sized, snow white rabbit plush, with a huge purple bow tied to its neck. “This one. His name is Rabbit Yukine. I want this one.” She hugged it tightly. “Please.”

“And nothing else?”

“... yes,” she relented. “Rabbit Yukine is special. He says he can protect me from monsters at night. Or when I’m hurt,” she waved the rabbit around and its ears flopped from side to side. Lifeless, beady black eyes stared back at Kaito’s, glaring and gleaming, like he was challenging him to a fight, challenging him to see who could protect the little girl better.

“Fine,” Kaito reached out and took the rabbit. “Let’s go to the counter to pay.” He paced forward, Miku tagging behind him (and glancing back longingly at the rest of the shelf). The plush wasn’t particularly expensive and he swiftly paid for it, handing the cash over and refusing a plastic bag. Then he turned around and-

“... Miku?”

She wasn’t there. His heart skipped a beat and he inhaled sharply.

“Miku?” He called out again, taking the rabbit and slowly retracing his steps, looking left, and right, and trying to spot the girl in a frantic panic. She was small, but she wasn’t quick, and she rarely ever disappeared off by herself… “Miku!” He knew he couldn’t yell, but he was really panicking at this point of time. His head began to fuzz up.

‘Oh god. What have I done? I… I,’ his heart was thumping, pounding on his chest, his breath erratic. ‘I couldn’t have possibly just lost her like that, right? Why didn’t I watch her-?’ His thoughts began to stray and they ran wild as he checked the empty plush aisle. ‘What if she was kidnapped? Or if she ran somewhere and then collapsed again? What if…’

“...we’re in a war? Who are we fighting?” 

“No, not war - I said ward. We’re in the same ward.”

“Oh… what’s that?” Around the bend, just behind a shelf at the entrance of the store, he spotted two girls talking to each other. That voice...

“Miku!” He called out. The girl jumped and turned around. An overwhelming sense of relief flooded him, along with bubbling frustration. “Why’d you run away like that?”

“I made a friend!” Oblivious to his anger and worry, she pointed to the pink-haired girl beside her — the one in a wheelchair that they’d seen when entering. She looked to be around Miku’s age, or just slightly older. “Her name is Luka.”

“Hello,” Luka waved, glancing up at Kaito from her wheelchair. "I'm Luka. Miku and I are in the same ward. I saw her this morning when I went out."

"Ah. Nice to meet you," Kaito nodded, before heading to Miku, his arms akimbo. "Why'd you run away like that? Y'know how worried I get. Someone could have taken you.”

“Sorry,” the girl petulantly stuck out her tongue, then reached for Kaito’s hands so she could hug Rabbit Yukine. “Luka says I can play with her when we’re in the, uhm, ward together. I think that means we’re in the same room!” She clenched her fists in excitement, turning to her new friend eagerly. “I wanna play with her!”

Luka beamed.

“I think we should go back up. They provide breakfast, so we can eat together,” She suggested. 

“Okay!”

They made their way back up to the ward, Miku chattering happily with her. Kaito watched them, a pensive worry at the back of his mind that Miku might collapse again. She seemed happy and bright now, but that was because the painkillers had taken her headache away. The tumour was still growing inside her, after all…

Just seconds upon stepping into the ward, his phone started ringing. Fumbling, he fished it out of his pocket and checked the caller. It was his colleague Len from work-

Oh god. Work. All of a sudden panic flashed in his mind — he’d completely forgotten about work in all the hassle and worry with Miku’s situation. He had an important meeting today, and he wasn’t even near prepared.

“Hey Len-“ He hit the answer button and began, but before he could explain, his blonde-haired teammate launched into a furious rant.

“Kaito, where the hell are you? You know the CEO of that huge company is coming today. The meeting is in an hour. You didn’t turn up at work this morning. Where are you!?” Len shouted. “Our boss is so mad-“

“I’m sorry!” Kaito interrupted. “Look, I forgot about work. I’m at the hospital. Miku collapsed last night and they found tumours in her brain, okay? I’m worried sick. I know there’s the meeting and all, but can I, like, not turn up to work today? The rest of you are there, anyway.”

“...oh,” at the other end, Len cursed. “Wow, man. That sucks. Is she okay?”

“I don’t know,” he answered and found tears threatening to sting his eyes again. “Look, can you tell our boss that I’m in a sticky situation?”

Len paused for a moment. “Kaito, you’re the one leading the project. We don’t even have the flash drive for the slides, remember? The file size is too big to email over. We need you here desperately,” he whispered forcefully.

“Wait, you don’t have the slides-?” Kaito’s mind wandered back to when he returned from work the day before, and true enough, he suddenly remembered that said flash drive was in his laptop bag, which he’d left in the living room. “Oh my God. We’re so dead. I…” Kaito wracked his brains, his mind completely blank as he stood paralysed.

This project — it was a major project, and he knew his boss would be furious at him and possibly fire him. The team had put in so much effort into it, and he was going to sabotage all of them. He couldn’t possibly let them down like this — but he couldn’t bear to leave Miku.

“Hurry up and find something, Kaito, we’re all dead meat,” Len’s voice beckoned with urgency. “How far is the hospital from your apartment? You can hurry back and bring the flash drive to work. If you can reach at least ten before the meeting I think I could run through the slides and do the presentation for you.”

“Ah…” Kaito’s brow furrowed in frustration. He glanced at Miku, who was happily playing with Luka. “Len, hold on,” he covered his microphone and turned to Miku. “Hey. Miku, I need to hurry back to work for a bit. Is that okay? I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Miku tilted her head, her lip jutting out a little, but then she bobbed her head. “Okay!” It was surprising — Kaito hadn’t expected her to agree like that. “Come back soon, okay! I can play with Luka!”

Immediately he turned back to his phone. “Okay, Len, I’m coming. Tell the rest of the team. I can’t guarantee I’ll reach in time, though,” he stumbled for the door and quickly sprinted out to the bus stop. The bus arrived at that moment, by his luck, and he swiftly jumped on, desperate.

~~

“Here,” he shoved his laptop bag to Len, panting and heaving, out of breath. “...haa… ha…” 

“Finally,” Len immediately grabbed it and fished out the flash drive, before inserting it into his laptop, booting up the files. He began scrolling through a chunk of around seventy slides, his eyes quickly tracking over each sentence. “I’ll run through the slides. Hopefully we survive.” He stopped for a moment and cast a side glance at Kaito, who looked troubled. “Hey, it’s not your fault. Miku will be alright, okay? I haven’t seen anyone else as determined as her before. She’s strong. I’m sure she’ll beat it.”

Even if they were kind words of comfort, Kaito felt even more helpless as he gave an uneasy smile.

~~

“I have a Nintendo Switch,” Luka said, waving the blue and red console in Miku’s face excitedly. 

“Cool!” Miku exclaimed, before a look of confusion spread over her face. “What’s a Nintendo Switch?”

The other girl tilted the device to face Miku. “I can play games on it, like a phone.”

“But with fancy buttons?”

“But with fancy buttons,” Luka nodded seriously. “I can let you have a go. Here, you can create your own character.”

Awed, Miku began fiddling with the controls, and Luka guided her, explaining to her how she could customise her hair and eyes and outfit. After twenty minutes Miku was satisfied — a big-headed, wide-eyed character with bouncy teal twintails like her, dressed in an elegant, sky blue prom dress and hot pink schoolgirl kneesocks that clearly did not fit well with the rest of the ensemble.

“It looks good, right, Luka?” She asked, yearning for her new friend’s praise. Luka visibly cringed but then forced a pained smile.

“If you like it... Now you just have to input your character name and age!” She pressed a few buttons and they reached a character biography page. “How do you spell your name?”

Miku spelt out her name, letter-by-letter, and Luka blinked twice. “What?”

“Miku! M-I-K-U,” the excited tealette repeated.

“That’s a weird spelling,” Luka remarked, her eyebrows scrunched up.

“What? No, it’s not!” Miku denied, her fists clenching a little.

“Is too.”

“Your name is weirder! I’ve never seen anyone with your name.”

“There are lots of people with my name,” Luka answered, matter-of-factly. “Even celebrities. It’s your name that I’ve never seen before. The name is weird.”

“B-but!” Miku protested, but didn’t have any retorts. Biting her lip angrily, she exclaimed, “I don’t want to play with you anymore! You’re so mean!” She crossed her arms in frustration and puffed her cheeks out, before running back to her own bed and closing the curtain that separated them. 

“Suit yourself,” the girl called from the other side of the room. Miku harrumphed, her arms crossed, and she buried her face in the pillow, furious. She thought Luka was her friend….! 

For what seemed like hours to her (and was probably only a few minutes) she tossed and turned in the hospital bed, upset. How could her “friend” just call her name weird like that? It wasn’t weird at all… right…? A little bit of doubt crept into her mind and she questioned her own name’s spelling. It wasn’t odd… it wasn’t odd… was it?

Argh! She squeezed her eyes shut and tears of rage spilled out. A dull ache had started throbbing in her head, and the pain increased slightly as the minutes passed. Suddenly there was nobody around her. Miku turned and stared at the door, hoping that her Daddy would appear so she could ask him to make the pain go away with the special medicine that he gave her earlier. Or maybe Doctor Rin could help her too… but neither of them appeared at the door.

It hurt. Her head hurt again. The little girl wanted to ask someone for help, but the only other person in the room was Luka, and she was mad at her. Swallowing thickly, she tried her best to bear with the pain.

She pressed her head against the pillow harder, before getting up again and reaching out for Rabbit Yukine at the side of her bed. It was so soft and fluffy and she buried herself in the toy’s smooth fur. 

“I’m scared,” she whispered to the rabbit, who stared back at her with glassy eyes. Without waiting for the inanimate object to answer her, she continued, “but you’ll protect me until Daddy comes back, right?”

The words made her feel a little better, and she fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

When she woke up again, her head was still aching badly, and she felt dizzy. She squinted and hugged Rabbit Yukine tighter, but then she felt a hand next to hers. Her eyes shot open. “Daddy!”

“I’m back,” Kaito smiled as Miku sat up. “How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts again,” she answered, frowning. “Can I have the, uh, special medicine thing that you gave me this morning?”

Checking his watch, Kaito nodded, quickly reaching towards the drawer and unlocking it. “The medicine wears off every few hours, so I think it’s worn off by this time. Careful, don’t choke,” he handed her the small medicine cup. She downed it and then quickly drank water, once again sticking out her tongue in disgust at the taste.

For a few moments, she remained silent. Kaito watched her, concerned. “Is something… wrong? Are you alright?” Pensive, he asked.

“...” for a few seconds, she looked away, her eyebrows furrowing, before ultimately choosing to avoid the question entirely. “Daddy, why… why is my name Miku?” She almost looked guilty for asking the question. Perplexed, he rubbed his neck, observing her odd behaviour.

“What’s wrong with it?” He returned. Almost immediately, she answered, “It’s weird.” Her face crumpled a little, ashamed.

_ “What if it’s a girl?” _

_ He leaned back against the sofa, his lips pressing against each other as he thought hard. “I can’t think of anything good. I think we have a pretty neat list of boys’ names already, but we haven’t really thought about girls’ ones. ” _

_ “Hm.” She sat down beside him. She - she was his beautiful wife, his reason for living, even. And even as she thought, her voice was so sweet, so melodious that he couldn’t help but feel blessed. A small smile cracked his lips. _

_ Oblivious to his admiration, she furrowed her brow, deep in thought. “Miku,” she said, all of a sudden. _

_ “Miku?” He repeated, confused.  _

_ “I like the name Miku.” Shrugging, her hands found their way down to her stomach, where there was a slight bump.  _

_ “What does it mean?” An air of bewilderment surrounded him, as opposed to her sudden confident aura. _

_ “It’s sort of a derivative of the word ‘mirai’— future’,” she explained. “I’m sure she’ll have a bright one. Maybe she’ll even change it. No, of course she will.” Something about the way she spoke, determined, was full of unwavering hope that Kaito hadn’t seen or experienced in a long time. He was so used to a lack of faith, and yet she was so confident about it, that it somehow made him feel more hopeful himself. _

_ “Miku,” he said, tasting the word on his tongue. “Miku,” he said again. “Miku’s a cute name. I like it.” She smiled. _

“Why do you think it’s weird?”

Miku’s face reddened, embarrassed being interrogated. “U-uhm. Nobody else has the name. It’s spelt weird. It’s not a normal name…” she bit her lip. “I… I don’t know.”

Kaito stared at her for a few moments, then exhaled heavily, a wistful smile tugging at his lips. “I’m sorry if you think it’s weird. But it shouldn’t be just because other people don’t have that name. That makes you unique. Don’t you think?”

The red-faced girl shook her head, guiltily clutching onto Rabbit Yukine. “Not really. Why… why did you choose it?” Every next word that escaped her mouth made her even more flustered, and she quietened, completely embarrassed with herself despite her age.

“I didn’t. Your mother did.”

Miku’s lips formed the shape of an ‘o’. She’d never met her mother before, but somewhere at the back of her mind, the image she had was someone to admire. “Why?” This time, she sat up a little straighter, and her eyes were wide in curiosity.

“Your name — it means ‘future’.” He’d never expected this conversation would ever occur, in all honesty. The words were at the tip of his tongue, and he knew the explanation by heart, but they tasted bittersweet; the heartwrenching memory of someone he loved. “Your mother was so confident that you’d have the brightest future possible. That you’d change the future, change the world.” A sudden image flashed in front of his eyes — an empty hospital bed. What if… Miku never made it to the very future she was named after? He bit down hard on his lip, desperate to get the negative image away from his mind.

“That’s… nice,” Miku commented, uncertain.

“Yea. I think it’s a really cute name.” Reeling himself back to reality, Kaito realised that his hand was tightly gripping Miku’s, almost like he was trying to crush it. Miku hadn’t complained once. “Your mother loved you so much. So, so much. I can’t even describe how much she did.”

This time even the little girl was silent, not knowing what she could say.

“I’m sorry you never got to meet her,” Kaito forced out another smile, and when his eyes and gaze fully met with his daughter’s, he could feel a little bit of strength seep into him. “I failed to protect her. I’m sorry. But I promise I’ll protect you. I’ll love you, and with her love too. I’ll make up for losing her. I’ll love you no matter what, okay?”

“...okay…” Miku’s voice was hesitant; but it wasn’t because she didn’t want to acknowledge his love — rather, she didn’t really know how to digest the information.

“I’m sorry if you don’t like the name. But I think it’s a beautiful name, and it fits you.”

Miku chewed on her lip a little, puffing her cheeks out, and then she squeezed the rabbit in her arms. “Actually… the name is nice. I think I like it.” She remained quiet for a few moments, opting to brush the toy’s fur with her fingers, then she looked up again. “Daddy, I love you too!”

Kaito choked on tears.

He loved her. He loved her so much. And it made him feel so much better knowing that she did the same. He was going to make sure nobody ever got her. He was going to make sure that she beat the tumour, and that she would live to see the future…! He was going to make sure he succeeded where he failed for everyone else...

He just wanted her to live.

~~

_ The little bundle in his arms, sleeping so softly, so peacefully… Without making any sounds of discomfort, she had a relaxed and happy smile on her chubby face. He watched her, and he felt so heartbroken, but couldn’t bring himself to cry anymore tears. _

_ His child. Their child. She was a gift from the gods — so beautiful. So cute, cherubic, angelic. She was everything left in his entire world. He couldn’t even put words to describe the feeling that bubbled inside him as he held her fragile body. _

_ Happiness. Elation. This was his child. He loved her… right? Everything about her was so perfect, from her stubby little fingers, to her closed eyes, with lashes long and pretty. She was someone he’d been waiting for, since so many years ago. He was so excited to have her home… or so he tried to convince himself. _

_ Sadness. Agony. This was his child — but she would be raised by him, and him alone. His child would never get to meet her mother, and her mother would never get to meet her. It was a cruel, horrible fate that he had to live with, that they had to live with. _

_ Anger. Hatred. This was his child — and her birth was the death of his reason for living. Her birth killed his wife. Her birth killed what he loved with his whole heart. Her existence took a part of his soul. He couldn’t get over the trauma of witnessing his wife die like that — agonisingly, a terrified expression on her face. It was a memory engraved into his mind forever. _

_ He found that his grip had tightened, but fortunately, he was only clutching the towel she was swaddled in, and not the baby itself — he had no idea how much he could have hurt her. Snapping back to reality, he stared at the now-awake child in his hands. The little girl stared back at him with wide, confused and scared eyes, then began to cry and wail noisily. _

_ “Shh. Don’t cry. Why are you crying?” He whispered to her gently, cradling her. Yet she continued. He knew she couldn’t be hungry, she couldn’t have soiled herself, she couldn’t have been tired. _

_ “Waah,” she sobbed. There were no tears. _

_ “Shh. Don’t cry. Don’t cry, okay? Daddy’s here, so you don’t have to be scared.” _

_ The child didn’t stop and his words slowly became louder, harsher, more desperate. _

_ “I’m sorry! I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do. Tell me why you’re crying. Please. Please…” of course, the baby was too young to understand, let alone answer. Frantic, helpless, on the verge of giving up himself, he held her in his arms, motionless. _

_ “I’m sorry. I’m sorry Mommy’s not here to calm you down. She’d have done so much better than I can. I miss her so much. I’m sure you do too.” _

_ Somewhere, in a messy two-room apartment that was brimming with grief, a father held his crying daughter close and tried his best not to let his own tears fall. _


End file.
